[ The fact that Royce thinks he's reasonable, of all things, makes him chuckle. ]
Yeah, I get it. Personally? I'm glad to be back, but I'm sure that'll only last until the third day with no heat. You ever get a bunch of memories shoved at you during one of these?
Three years of 'em. [ He sighs, clearly long-suffering. ] I got everything I was after, and everything I was afraid of came true. Not sure if that means I came out even, but it sure doesn't feel like it.
Now that's refreshing- someone who actually wants the details.
Yeah, it's the same as before. Mostly. I didn't realize at home that the ability was the problem, because- well, I don't know anything else, right? So it had to be something else that was making everything turn out wrong.
I tried having a relationship, thought I'd found my real parents. They told me they could rehabilitate me at their Company and- I was an idiot for believing them. They wanted a guard dog, someone powers that they could throw at problems. My girlfriend lied to me about my true parents to keep things status quo.
I burned it all, once I found out. The Company, the 'family', the girlfriend. All of it.
If I found my real parents, maybe I could figure out if this ability was hereditary, if there was any way to shut it down or make it less...destructive. Maybe they'd have some answers. Or maybe I can keep the nanomachines, I guess. I have that here, too.
[ If he keeps repeating it to himself, is it going to feel like less of a gut-wrenching idea? He's hoping so. ]
Not sure if you want to keep the nanomachines. [ Royce doesn't trust them at all - but. ] Still. If they give you some measure of control, I can see why you'd want to.
I would've done the same thing. Burned it. I have done the same thing. It's necessary, sometimes.
[ It's a comfort to hear that he's not the only monster to do this. Everyone at home had found such high horses to ride, even if they were just as disgusting as he was. To hear someone freely admit that he'd come to the same conclusion- yeah, that was nice. ]
I'm starting to think that's all I'm good for. I can never seem to build anything. [ Frustration turns into weariness here. He's tired of having this argument with himself. ] Maybe I'm just not meant for that.
Trust me, though- I really don't want to keep the nanomachines. It makes me sick to even think about it. But there's no way to suppress parts of these powers that I've found. Not unless you're totally okay with dying from a virus. So the nanites might be the only way to regain some control.
I'm not one for optimism. [ He's said this before. ] I'm not going to promise you a happy ending of any kind, because that's unrealistic.
Still. I was an assassin for years. Definition of burning things down. And now, at home, I have a daughter. [ He shrugs, even though Sylar can't see it. ] I didn't think I was meant for any sort of building, either, but you'd be surprised what life dumps in your lap.
Everything is at a standstill while you're here, so there's no point in worrying.
You have a daughter? [ He quiets down, murmuring more to himself than to Royce. ] I always thought I'd be a good dad, just not- I never thought that'd be possible. Guess you never know what direction life is going to go, yeah.
Mm. [ He's fine with Sylar knowing. At this point, House knows, so everybody else is fair game. ] I didn't think it'd be possible either. She's six. And she trusts me, which is something I can't fathom.
Your life is a lot to trust someone with, even if they're family. [ Sigh. ] But she's six. [ So she doesn't know that. ] I have to go back to her. Can't leave her without parents.
[ So the mother is no longer around then, for whatever reason. Probably dead, considering how things go with people here. For once, he doesn't pry. ]
Right. Gotta make sure you're there for her. At least we know whatever brought us here doesn't care about time. We get it set right and put you right back where you started.
[ There's no promises, of course. Not even any likely future for them, outside death. But Royce has a good damn reason to keep going, and Sylar recognizes that. ]
Where are you guys right now? What're you up to? That supply thing Alfie set up?
[ He hopes he gets to go home right where he left off from. He's still not sure if he wants to remember or not. ]
Mm. Gathering supplies downtown. Heading up. [ There's silence on his end as he reaches for the remains of the bottle he and Alfie had polished off - there's clinking sounds as he drags it towards him. ] Think we're going to stay at the hotel a day or two. Sleep in real beds.
[ He'd been about to comment on the amazement of Real Beds, but that second part stopped him short. The noises in the background don't really help, either. ]
That's depression. Clinical depression. You can get medicine to help with it, but I don't know how willing you are to take that sort of thing.
It's going to be tough for you both to get going with that.
[ He wants to offer to come join them, because they're going to need someone to get them moving. But Al already threw a fit about Sylar not heading directly for him. And it's not like Sylar could get down there for awhile, anyway. Being blind sucks. ]
[ Not very willing at all. Royce doesn't take medicine even when he's in so much pain he can't move, he's not going to take it for something like this - something he thinks isn't real. ]
Depression. [ He's from fantasy medieval Europe, essentially, he has no idea what that entails, really. ] I'm not sad.
[ A beat. ] We're keeping each other moving the best we can. Can only really rely on that.
See, that's what I thought at first, but it's not exactly the same thing. More like- you don't feel anything, you don't want anything. Doing nothing but sleeping starts to look real appealing.
Not that I'd blame anyone for being depressed here, but I heard it was an MN Poisoning thing, so.
And yeah, can't really say I have a better solution for you. Just gotta hope you get lucky and the Poisoning disappears. I had pain for awhile, but it's gone now. Don't think I have anything right now.
[ Yeah, there's not exactly a lot to help with it. At least Royce knows what it is, now. ]
East. Meeting back up with Al before he has a fit about missing me. [ Does he sound a little smug about that? ] Plus, he's got some injuries I'm most suited to handle.
I'm not going much of anywhere at the moment, though. I'm blind and traveling alone. It's a whole new 'adventure'.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@godsend, audio, Day 234
[ His voice sounds a little deeper and a little rougher, but otherwise its the same old 'Gabriel'. ]
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Something like that. You're one of the only reasonable people around here. Good to hear from you, not glad you're back.
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Yeah, I get it. Personally? I'm glad to be back, but I'm sure that'll only last until the third day with no heat. You ever get a bunch of memories shoved at you during one of these?
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A lot happens in three years. I imagine you figured out the problem you had with your powers influencing you. Or it resolved itself.
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There? Maybe I'm starting to notice some issues. It's a little more obvious what the problem is here, especially with all this new, wonderful context.
I tried to reform back home. And trusted the wrong people to help, as usual. Two of 'em are dead now.
[ There's a pause as he rubs at his face. ]
I feel more out of control than ever. So not so much, as far as resolving the problem goes.
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Hm. [ Royce is not good at advice, but. ] The problem is more obvious here. What is it? The same as before? Don't be vague, I don't have the patience.
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Yeah, it's the same as before. Mostly. I didn't realize at home that the ability was the problem, because- well, I don't know anything else, right? So it had to be something else that was making everything turn out wrong.
I tried having a relationship, thought I'd found my real parents. They told me they could rehabilitate me at their Company and- I was an idiot for believing them. They wanted a guard dog, someone powers that they could throw at problems. My girlfriend lied to me about my true parents to keep things status quo.
I burned it all, once I found out. The Company, the 'family', the girlfriend. All of it.
If I found my real parents, maybe I could figure out if this ability was hereditary, if there was any way to shut it down or make it less...destructive. Maybe they'd have some answers. Or maybe I can keep the nanomachines, I guess. I have that here, too.
[ If he keeps repeating it to himself, is it going to feel like less of a gut-wrenching idea? He's hoping so. ]
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I would've done the same thing. Burned it. I have done the same thing. It's necessary, sometimes.
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I'm starting to think that's all I'm good for. I can never seem to build anything. [ Frustration turns into weariness here. He's tired of having this argument with himself. ] Maybe I'm just not meant for that.
Trust me, though- I really don't want to keep the nanomachines. It makes me sick to even think about it. But there's no way to suppress parts of these powers that I've found. Not unless you're totally okay with dying from a virus. So the nanites might be the only way to regain some control.
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I'm not one for optimism. [ He's said this before. ] I'm not going to promise you a happy ending of any kind, because that's unrealistic.
Still. I was an assassin for years. Definition of burning things down. And now, at home, I have a daughter. [ He shrugs, even though Sylar can't see it. ] I didn't think I was meant for any sort of building, either, but you'd be surprised what life dumps in your lap.
Everything is at a standstill while you're here, so there's no point in worrying.
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How old is she?
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[ His tone is warm and confident. He automatically assumes that means Royce is trustworthy, at least when it comes to his daughter. ]
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Your life is a lot to trust someone with, even if they're family. [ Sigh. ] But she's six. [ So she doesn't know that. ] I have to go back to her. Can't leave her without parents.
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Right. Gotta make sure you're there for her. At least we know whatever brought us here doesn't care about time. We get it set right and put you right back where you started.
[ There's no promises, of course. Not even any likely future for them, outside death. But Royce has a good damn reason to keep going, and Sylar recognizes that. ]
Where are you guys right now? What're you up to? That supply thing Alfie set up?
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Mm. Gathering supplies downtown. Heading up. [ There's silence on his end as he reaches for the remains of the bottle he and Alfie had polished off - there's clinking sounds as he drags it towards him. ] Think we're going to stay at the hotel a day or two. Sleep in real beds.
The MN poisoning has gotten bad. For both of us.
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Yeah? What've you got?
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[ He's pretty nonchalant about this. Or, y'know, he just doesn't feel a whole lot. ]
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That's depression. Clinical depression. You can get medicine to help with it, but I don't know how willing you are to take that sort of thing.
It's going to be tough for you both to get going with that.
[ He wants to offer to come join them, because they're going to need someone to get them moving. But Al already threw a fit about Sylar not heading directly for him. And it's not like Sylar could get down there for awhile, anyway. Being blind sucks. ]
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Depression. [ He's from fantasy medieval Europe, essentially, he has no idea what that entails, really. ] I'm not sad.
[ A beat. ] We're keeping each other moving the best we can. Can only really rely on that.
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Not that I'd blame anyone for being depressed here, but I heard it was an MN Poisoning thing, so.
And yeah, can't really say I have a better solution for you. Just gotta hope you get lucky and the Poisoning disappears. I had pain for awhile, but it's gone now. Don't think I have anything right now.
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It's probably MN poisoning. I was manic, before. I don't usually get this way. [ Sigh. ] It doesn't matter. I'll survive.
Where are you headed, right now?
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East. Meeting back up with Al before he has a fit about missing me. [ Does he sound a little smug about that? ] Plus, he's got some injuries I'm most suited to handle.
I'm not going much of anywhere at the moment, though. I'm blind and traveling alone. It's a whole new 'adventure'.
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